When hope is lost
by Hay389
Summary: Jane was too busy trying to see what her past was like that she didn't see what her future could end up like, and now she's no longer in the hands of the FBI. The CIA was granted the power to take control of the Jane doe case, but everyone knows that's not why they want her. Can Kurt and the team get control back over her case? And better yet, find Jane before it's too late?
1. Past mistakes

Hello everyone! I'm so excited to be back, and I'm sorry it's been almost a year since I've last updated. I had family stuff going on, then school stuff, ugh life, am I right. So I'm going to try and not ramble on like I usually do, sometimes it's hard cause you guys are just so amazing, but what your about to read is very different for anybody who's been here since the start of this story. If your new, then welcome, this won't apply to you. I'm warning you now though, this story is taking a total 360 turn. So what I mean by that is, things are going to be different but also the same. There's no need to worry because everything you've read before will still be the same, but the story is now going to be set on a slower pace. I'm sort of just moving things around and throwing out material I don't like anymore. I'm also connecting it more into season 2 of Blindspot, but it will still connect into what I have written before this. You'll understand when you read it. I thank you in advance for being understanding. I hope you enjoy the change.

Disclaimer: I don't own Blindspot or any of its characters, although I wish I did.

I have no Beta so please go easy on me! :)

One more thing, my chapter titles will still be anagrams, like the show does with their titles. It would be really cool if you guys tried to solve them and left a comment on your guesses, but if you'd like to know the real name, I'll tell you in next chapter AN.

Chapter one: Pastimes task

If life were a person, Jane had only one question to ask; Why was it out to get her? No matter how hard she tried, no matter how many people she seemed to save, her overall actions and decisions came back to bite her in the ass. She lived in a never ending circle of lies, and each one existed because of her. Even the ever so painful lie about being Taylor Shaw, that was her fault. The video Oscar showed her proved it. Her old self said "you did this to yourself," the words were on constant replay in her mind. She's the one who decided to tattoo all her visible and nonvisible skin, hiding secrets within them, she's the one who drowned her entire body with ZIP, leaving no memories of even what her favorite color was, and she's the one who chose Kurt. The giant tattoo with his name on her back said it all. Jane felt betrayed by her past, maybe it was a good thing she couldn't remember. It was a fresh start. Not exactly anymore, but maybe someday it can be. Cause the fresh start she could've had was ruined the moment she accepted those damn missions. The ones that set Mayfair up for murder, and ultimately lead to her death. Jane wished she could say she saw it coming, and maybe in some small way, buried deep in her self conscience she did, but the truth was she was blindsided. She became caught up in wanting to know her past that she didn't see what her future could end up like. Jane was stupid to think that she could keep the team in the dark about Oscar. Her biggest mistake though was letting him threaten her team. She could have done more, should have. There was no way she was going to let her past choices negatively affect the only people who cared about her.

That's why she hunted him down. While she may have set up Mayfair's untimely death, Oscar pulled the trigger. Jane needed to give Mayfair and her team Justice. She would bring Oscar in, and tell them everything that has happened. Like usual, life had other plans. Jane got distracted and Oscar had tazed her. When she came to, she was tied down to a wooden chair, and Oscar was threatening to wipe her memories once more. Everything after that seemed a bit foggy. Jane couldn't handle that thought, the pure idea of waking up afraid and not knowing anything about who she is again, it made her want to throw up. Jane remembered breaking out of the chair and fighting Oscar, but she doesn't remember when the fire started. Sure she could feel the hot flames feet away on her face, and see the bright orange and yellow flashes in the corner of her eyes, but the bigger threat was Oscar. That's when a cry escaped his lips, confused she looked down. There had been a scythe hanging on the wall, the one Oscar had originally attacked her with, somehow she had impaled him with it. Jane didn't feel bad that she had killed him, maybe her past self would have because after all, they were engaged at one point. She must have seen the good in him at some point for her to want to marry him. If only he showed that side instead of the darker one that lead to his final moments.

After the barn incident, she headed to her safe house, which looking back is kind of ironic as it wasn't actually safe. That's where she found Kurt. The look on his face will forever be burned in her memory, and hurt everytime she thinks about it. He knew, he knew she wasn't Taylor. Then he arrested her. The words would always exist in a corner of her mind. "My father killed Taylor Shaw 25 years ago. Taylor Shaw is dead, now who the hell are you? Jane doe your under arrest." The words stung in two ways. While Jane may not have known Taylor Shaw, she had a strange sadness that made her heart heavy. A poor girl who only had 5 years of life. The loving family and friends heartbroken by her abrupt disappearance. Then there was the actual arrest. Jane was no longer sad about it, but angry. If he had given her a chance to talk to him, maybe she wouldn't be in this mess. She begged Kurt to listen, tried to set everything straight in the car, but once she realized he wouldn't have it, she went silent. He booked her and put her in a holding cell, said he would be back tomorrow to interrogate her, but he never returned. Instead, some guy Jane didn't know escorted her out of the FBI building and into a van. At that moment, Jane knew what was happening and there was nothing she could do about it. That's why almost 3 months later she's sitting in a cement cell, waiting for the perfect moment to escape this hellish blackcite.

It was sad to say that the only thing she had left anymore was her anger. It fueled her heart and brain not to give up, even when her body protested otherwise. She got used to the pain though, after a couple weeks of nonstop torture she zoned out, found a safe haven and tuned everything else out around her. It disconnected herself from reality, and if she had a choice she would stay disconnected. It's not like she has anything left to stick around for in the real world. The team hates her, Kurt hates her. Of course he does though, "you lied to him," she told herself. "If he actually cared then he wouldn't have handed you over to the CIA. The only reason he kept you around because he thought you were Taylor."

"No, he had to of cared about me, even a little." She internally argued with herself. That's all she seemed to be doing these days, she was her own company. Jane came out of the shadows of the cell, sitting in front of Jane who was hugging her knees in the farthest corner of the room. Jane smiled, which she quickly stopped because of how much her dry and cracked lips hurt. This is what almost a day and a half of no water and food did to a person, made them hallucinate. The Jane that sat in front of her wasn't her, but looked like old her. She had longer hair, and and an evil glow in her eyes.

"Then he wouldn't have handed you over. He only cares about Taylor, not you, not Jane. Now that he knows Taylor is dead, your not event a thought to him."

"He kissed me. Invited me to the park. He felt something." Jane replied, taking the bait.

Her past self scoffed,"That kiss meant just as nothing as the park, he didn't bother to waste his time going, remember? He told you yourself."

"We never showed up, we can't know that he did or didn't go. Maybe he did." Jane tried to convince herself.

"But you'll never know, will you, because you chose me."

A malicious smile spread across Jane's past self at that voice, and in return she scowled. It seemed she couldn't get away from him in life or death.

"Oscar," she said with as much venom in her voice as she could muster.

"Kurt never loved you, he loved Taylor. You know that, so why are you fighting it? You knew it was part of the plan, you chose him."

"I'm not that person anymore."

"Of course your the same person, your memory is just stored away at the moment. It's allowing bits and pieces to slip through, but soon enough you'll remember everything, even the hatred you had for your so called team. You'll regret it."

"I won't regret anything." Jane argued.

"Yes you will. Your going to remember the mission, and that your the one who screwed it up. That's all you've been doing lately though huh, screwing things up. No wonder you have nobody in your life. Your pathetic. Poison. I see why Kurt gave you up to the CIA, I would have done the same thing."

"No...no he wouldn't."

"Yes, he would. They are happy to be rid of you."

"No...go. Get out of my head, leave me alone!"

The room went coldly silent. Jane glanced up, Oscar and her past self were nowhere in sight. That hadn't been the first time she's had that conversation with herself, or hallucinated for that matter, but Oscar had never been in the conversation. It's seems the less food and water she gets, the worse the hallucinations.

As almost on cue, one of the goons that assisted, Jake, as he liked to be called, opened her cell door, gently placing a piece of bread and bottle of water on the floor. "Make sure to drink the water slow, or else you'll be sick," he told her, before leaving her to it. Jane ignored the bread and went straight for the water. Although it hurt to put the bottle to her lips, the feeling of the water putting out the desert that resided in her mouth was like heaven. Never again would she take advantage of something so simple as water. Jane took the bread and slumped back into her corner, more picking at it then eating it. Tomorrow was important to Jane, and just thinking about what was to come made her stomach flip. "What if you don't succeed? Your not as tough as you were when they first brought you in." It's something she asked herself a lot, but in the end she would have to try. Better to go out fighting than to not have tried at all. So, she scooted herself forward until she was in the center of the room. Jane unscrewed the drain pipe, that she found out was loose almost a week into her stay, and checked the rope dangling off of it to make sure it was steady and didn't need to to be woven anymore. Satisfied, she screwed it back in. Jane smiled, mostly for the freedom she was about to grant herself, but also because Keaton had no idea of the plan that was about to unfold right under his nose. He claimed to be such a great CIA agent, could detect everything. Of course Jane knew he was lying, or else he would have found out the information he needed from her already. He was definitely cocky, and Jane hated him for it. But she hated him in general, wanted to make him suffer as badly as he made her, but the look on his face tomorrow when he realizes she outsmarted him will be enough. For now though, Jane went back to her safe haven. She found it to be underneath a tree that sat a couple feet away from a cliff, which had the perfect view of a random town Jane conceived. As she rested her head against the tree, she found it funny. This place felt like more, as if it were real, or somehow she had actually been here before. It was peaceful, it felt like home to her.

So obviously that's nothing new, Jane being held in a black cite. This of course is just the start up, and next chapter we'll dive into how the team feels, and Jane's escape. Jane's hallucinations also haven't stopped there, they are going to be around for a little bit. As I said before I'm trying to move at a slower pace so you aren't getting too much information like I did previously, or too little. On another note, I have a few questions to ask about the outcome of the story. So would you guys want Borden to be the mole, or no? Should Nas come in and be more like a villain, or come in like a villain but then eventually, kind of, get comfortable with the team? For people who have been here from the beginning, Yes Kris, Romans daughter, or no Kris? Please let me know, it will help a lot. Also, if Nas comes into play, there will be NO Kurt and Nas. Ugh, that was so disgusting when I first saw that. This will probably go towards Jane and Weller being together, but that's sort of obvious. Anyway, on this last thought, you guys aren't going to hear from me for about maybe a month or two, could be sooner than that actually, you never know, but just know in the month or two I'm gone, it's because I'm working on the story. I'm going to try and write a couple chapters, that way I can set up a weekly posting date.


	2. Ghosts will loom

Hi everyone, I'm so happy right now there's literally less then 30 minutes until blindspot airs, like OMG! So let's just get straight down to it. Here's this weeks chapter, although you were suppose to get it last Friday. I sort of got busy so sorry. I already have chapter 3 written so from now on I post on Fridays! It is about time I have a consistent upload time and more chapter writtten. Hope you enjoy, and sorry if there are grammar mistakes I don't have a beta, but I try my best.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own blindspot or any of the characters.

This chapter is dedicated to: Spiigrl, Anny, Elislin, and Ishd. Thanks for you lovely reviews! 3

CHAPTER 2: Ghosts will loom

Scattered all around the table were folders stuffed with photographs, sketches, and notes. Kurt's been taking his work home with him lately more times than he'd care to admit. The team was forced to go back to cases that could be solved after hitting dead ends in every turn trying to find Jane. Patterson has been searching for any information she could grab her hands on in her free time, which wasn't much, so Kurt decided to go back over the entire Jane Doe case. He had to be missing something, any little detail that could give him answers to finding Jane, or to the millions of questions that ran through his brain. To be fair, this was all his fault. He would already have answers if he wasn't so quick in arresting Jane. That night, once he found out what really happened to Taylor, something inside him snapped. On top of that, the amount of alcohol in his system didn't help either. Everything was a bit fuzzy in his mind. He remembers her trying to tell him something, his anger drowning out those pleas, he remembers telling her she's under arrest, but everything after that is a blur. Kurt's decisions didn't truly register with him until Jane was being excorted to a holding cell after being booked. He decided a good nights rest would help prepare him for the day to come, so he went home. The next day he went to the holding cells but instead of finding Jane, an officer greeted Kurt telling him Jane had been transferred somewhere else, a few guys picking her up a couple hours after he left. He hadn't authorized that being the assistant director, so he went straight to the director who told him it was on a need to know basis and he didn't need to know. He had been pissed off, still is, and the team confused on why he arrested Jane in the first place, but ready to get her back.

It's been three months since then, and as each day passes Kurt becomes increasingly more worried and angered, which he doesn't even know who it was directed towards at this point. At first, Kurt was angry at Jane for everything; Betrayal, lying, and especially for not believing she could trust the team enough to inform them of what was going on. On top of that, he had the entire problem that got him into this mess in the first place; his father. It felt like venom on his tongue, saying that monster was related to him.

As a child, before Taylor's dissaperance, kurt remembers loving his dad more than anyone. His memories are filled with camping trips, sport games, and family barbecues. They would have been great memories if they hadn't been tainted by Taylor being in every single one. It might have happened close to 25 years ago, but kurt can vividly remember his dad taking Taylor and him to baseball events. The games of hide and seek and tag they'd play during the family gatherings with his sister. The late night conversations exchanged in the dark tent they shared when camping. Playing with his G. action figures in his room. All now but memories, just like Taylor. She could no longer give him that cute but cheesy smile only a 5 year old could pull off. He wouldn't hear her feet running up the stairs, barging into his room unannounced at all hours of the day begging him to come play with her. They would never again climb that tree they loved that sat in his parents front yard, the same one she got her scar from on her upper back. Then there were all the campings trips they missed out on, the thing that started their friendship in the first place. There would be no more because Taylor had taken her last breath more than 25 years ago, scared and alone. She was killed by a person she trusted; Taylor had loved his dad like he was hers, because she didn't have one. What pissed Kurt off more than anything though was the fact his father denied doing anything to that girl. For years he convinced everyone of his innocence, even let his own 7 year old daughter fight for him. Deep down kurt knew, and maybe deep down his mother knew as well, that's why she left them. She couldn't handle all the rumors and backlash.

After Taylor mysteriously vanished, nothing was the same. The town took on a gloomy feature, his family fell apart, even Emma never went back to herself. It's obvious why, no one would ever be the same after they lose a child, but as a young boy Kurt missed the old her. Emma became very secluded after her daughter went missing, she had her suspicions like all the town folk, but he could definitely tell she blamed herself the most. There it was though, that same feeling of guilt. That's why he stuck close to Emma all those years up until her death, he felt guilty because Taylor had been asleep right next to him on the floor and he didn't hear her get up and leave. Kurt had been the last one to see her alive. Now he's feeling the same way about Jane, guilty. The whole reason she was taken was his fault, and he was the last person to see her. If anything happens to her he won't be able to forgive himself.

Kurt startled from the ringing of his phone, then went to pick it up immediately. It had to be important if someone was calling at 3:30 in the morning. The caller ID read Patterson, and Kurt flipped his phone open giving a grumpy hello. "You do realize what time it is Patterson?"

"I'm sorry, but I may have found Jane's location. Well I mean It wasn't all me but I did do a lot of—"

"Patterson just get to the point. How did you find Jane?" Kurt asked, not really registering the information that was just given to him. After 3 months of relentless searching, the team might have actually found her.

"Well I'm not one hundred percent positive it's her, but I would be shocked if it wasn't because I got direct coordinates to a garage in Oregon. It's pinned on a list as a CIA black site as well."

"How'd you get those coordinates?" questioned Kurt.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I know they were sent to me but I've been trying to figure out by who. I've been following breadcrumbs for like an hour now, but I think I'm getting somewhere.

"Alright go home and get some rest Patterson. Send out alerts to Reade and Tasha that I want them in at 8 AM sharp."

"Got it," She shot back. The phone call ended, and Kurt just stared at the disray of papers. They had her. He would actually see her and be able to listen to her side of the story. He would be able to apologize and say he was sorry, but; before things get that far she had to be saved. Kurt just hopes that it isn't too late. He quickly stuffed the papers back into the folders, not really caring that some of the corners were bending. After doing a somewhat decent cleanup of his apartment at almost 4 in the morning, he headed to bed to get the two hours of sleep his body craved; which was a problem because he was more awake now then he had been all day.

O~O~O

Like a small child in their early years, Jane had learned to adapt to life in her miserable prison. She knew when meal time was, she knew when they lightly padded down the hallway it meant they came to mentally throw her down, and when they stomped down they were coming to drag her to that god damn chair and hurt her in anyway they could; all for information she didn't have, and if she did she sure wouldn't give it to those bastards. All Jane knew was any chance of escaping was smothered by the constant supervision she had. At first she was confident she would escape, but as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, that confidence slowly turned into just a dream. Like always though, Jane had a back up plan, ready to strike when the opportunity presented itself. Since she first got here, she slowly but successfully, started putting togther a rope from loose pieces of fabric from her clothing, adding onto the rope that hung off the drain pipe that unscrewed from the floor of her cell. After 3 months, it was now long enough for her to tie around her hand and use as a weapon.

Not too long after, Jane saw her opening. They were shoving her head into the water and she gulped in as much as her lungs could take. They would have to bring her back, and when they did they would be too distracted by her kicking one of them down to realize they left the needle in her arm. When they came back and cuffed her, she quickly unlocked her handcuffs and squeezed the rope tighter. It was all over faster then you can blink, and Jane barged out of the door, stopping for a moment not use to the sun's light. She took out two guys, picked a shotgun up and aimed it at the third demanding,"Give me your keys."

So what do you guys think? I know it's not much, so maybe I'll upload the third chapter this weekend as a treat, let me know. As always I love hearing what you guys think is going to happen. Until next time!


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